


Batbrotherly Competition

by QueenVictoria88



Category: Batman (Comics)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-09 04:12:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13473438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenVictoria88/pseuds/QueenVictoria88
Summary: Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin & Robin come back from Patrol and start a friendly pissing match





	1. Brotherly Competition

(I don’t own the rights to any of the characters.)  
Characters embellished from the comics. 

Red Hood, Nightwing, Red Robin and Robin stroll into the cave on their respected modes of transportation ending their night of patrol. Although they’re all coming in at the same time, they didn’t necessarily fight side by side all night or together. 

Red Hood hops off his bike and takes off his helmet as he clips it to his side. “Tonight, I broke three guy’s jaws at once using a trash can lid! It was incredible!

Nightwing pulls his gloves off, “So glad to see your brutality ever in tact, Jay.

Robin who hardly ever takes off his suit was practicing with himself thrusting his staff at imaginary opponents. “Doesn't really mean anything if they all remained conscious. I used my staff and knocked out four guys in under five minutes!

Red Hood miming a yawn of unimpressed reaction “Oh, how exciting...your staff you say? Really? That thing that's meant to do that?”

“Takes more skill than you’ll ever have Mr. easy out gun slinger.” Robin scoffed. 

Red Hood pondered aloud but to himself “Hmm..that’s maybe what she said?”

Nightwing walked away from them both. “Is this now a competition?”

But Red Robin ignored his disapproval and jumped right in. “Well once, when I kicked one guy in the head, I knocked him out and he landed on another guy who was standing at the top of the stairs. They all fell backwards and like seven guys were KOed on the floor!”

Nightwing spun around, “Guys, what the heck?!”

Red Hood playfully jostled Red Robin’s arm in excitement. “ Oooooh, I was there! That was sick! And remember you even had a fractured wrist! … No, this one time, the bone was coming out of my hand after I punched someone out through their helmet!..”

“That's disgusting, Todd! “ Robin said repulsed.

Nightwing suddenly forgot he was protesting the bolstering “Oh yeah I remember! You became a little delirious after that, kept calling Batman, “Groucho tights!”

Red Hood shook his head “No, no, that was intentional.” He said seriously as they made their way to the cave showers.


	2. Batman Family Plan #Cribinaks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I don’t own the rights to any of the characters.)  
> Characters embellished from the comics.  
> I use initials to indicate who is who. Batman-BM, Dick Grayson-DG, Jason Todd-JT, Tim Drake-TD & Damian Wayne- DW  
> All the boys have Bruce in their phone as BM because they think of him as Batman first rather than Bruce, but they each have each other in their phones as their civilian name or another nickname. 
> 
> What I imagine the Batboys texting might go like.

8:08pm Group Text to THE FAMILY  
BM: I need you.

JT: Uh, all of us?

BM: Yes.

DW: Obviously, Todd. Duh.

DG: What’s going on?

BM: Meet up at the Bat signal in 5 minutes.

TD: !! I’m in class.

BM: 5 MINUTES

TD: What is this about…am I needed?

DW: What is wrong with you? Father wrote “I need you.” And you ask, am I needed? …!

JT: Chill, short bus. Tim’s got a final tonight.

DG: Maybe we don’t need Red Robin?

JT: Why you gotta say it like that?

DG: Shut up, you know what I mean.

BM: Tim, stay and finish your final. The rest of you 3 minutes.

 

8:15pm Group text THE FAMILY  
JT: Are you gonna get here soon? You said 5 mins…I don’t think it’s polite to call a meeting and be late.

DW: Drama queen.

(same time)  
DG: HAH! You’re one to talk!  
JT: BAHAHAHAHHAHAH, me?

TD: Please remove me from this chat. The phone keeps vibrating during this test. Oh and also hahaha, Damian.

DW: I hate you all! ! ! ! ! !

DG: Bruce…we’re here…

JT: Maybe he meant another bat signal?

DW: Why are you texting if you’re next to each other? I can see you!  
DW: Be there in a second.

JT: Why are YOU texting if you’ll be here in a second?!

TD: OMG PLEASE REMOVE ME!!!!

JT: Timbo, dude just turn your phone off. Better be smarter on that test than IRL.

DG: So that’s how you use that!

TD: No, it isn’t. *inserted FACEPALM emoji*

DW: YOU’RE LITERALLY NEXT TO EACH OTHER TEXTING!!!

(Same time)  
JT: Shut up  
DG: Shut up

8:24pm Group Text THE FAMILY  
DG: Bruce… you okay?

JT: Yeah WTF? We have to rescue you or something?

DW: Father?

BM: Be there. Beating up cribinaks

JT: Cribinaks? Those sound adorable. I wouldn’t hit those.

DW: Shut up, Todd. It was an obvious typo.

JT: Damian…

DW: What?

JT: YOU’RE RIGHT NEXT TO ME TEXTING, like OMG LOSER

BM: For Christ… I’m on my way stop bickering in the text message!

JT: *Smiley face Emoji *Prayer Hands Emoji *Angel Emoji *Cool Sunglasses Emoji *Devil Emoji *Gun Emoji *Bomb Emoji *Sword Emoji

BM: …?

TD: Oh, I know! That’s Jason code for “haha yea! Grayson, me and your demon spawn are ready to fight!”

JT: Hah, A+ as always Tim. But the test?

DW: Damnit Todd.

TD: Just finished & on my way.

BM: Thank you, Tim. We’re all here now, see you soon.

JT: *Evil Clown Emoji *Sad Face Emoji

JT: *Evil Clown Emoji *Crowbar Emoji *Crying Emoji

JT: *Bomb Emoji *Death Emoji (Wow. They even have emojis about my death!)

 

8:47pm User Jason Todd has been removed from this conversation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Old Man Bats

 

Tim and Damian enter the cave to find Bruce, Dick and Jason getting ready for patrol.

 

Tim had just refreshed his coffee. “Why didn’t you just ask Bruce?” He asked Damian while taking a sip.

 

“I didn’t ask him because people older than Fifty usually don’t know these types of things.”

 

Tim surprised by the response spit his coffee quickly back into his mug to avoid spitting it on the cave floor.

 

Dick who had been sitting on a table near them eating his dinner while going over the case file, dropped his spoon into his bowl of cereal. He started coughing from stifling a laugh as he was choking on the last bite in his mouth.

 

Bruce had been putting together files by the computer not really paying attention until he realized the whole room had stopped and was trying to stutter laughter while watching him. He turned to Damian. “Wait… You mean you think I’m over 50?”

 

Damian shrugged his shoulders and nodded 'yes'.

 

Bruce walked over to Damian, cowl off and standing over him he asked “How old do you think I am exactly, Damian?”

 

Damian furrowed his brow and brought his hand to his chin studying his Father. With a brief hum to his voice as he was surmising the exact age he replied “Fifty-two” with pure confidence.

 

Tim snorted fully into his elbow with laughter trying to pretend it was a sneeze as Dick fell his face into Tim’s shoulder trying just as hard not to laugh.

 

“You think I’m Fifty-two?!” Bruce said in shock. He glared at the older boys who were cowering in hysterics. He walked over to Jason who had been cleaning his gun in the corner.

 

“Jason, do you think I look Fifty-two?” Thinking Jason could be an impartial audience.

 

Jason didn’t look up at first. He paused, gave Bruce a good looking up and down and then shook his head 'no'.

 

Bruce exhaled.

 

Jason then added quickly, “Only in the face.”

 

Bruce snapped around in Jason’s direction baffled.

 

DIck and Tim couldn’t control themselves any longer and they let loud roars of laughter escape from their bellies.

 

Damian had his hands on his hips confused. Bruce was shaking his head in annoyance.

 

“So what, you’re like Forty-nine?” Damian guessed again.

 

“Forty-Ni… That’s it.” Now everyone except Bruce was laughing. Bruce threw his hands up and put his cowl on. He hopped into the Batmobile. “I’m patrolling alone tonight. If I don’t come back in an hour, it must be because I got lost being that I’m Forty-nine.” He sped out of the cave.

 

The other three boys were wiping tears from their eyes as they walked over to Damian patting him on the shoulder.

“Demon spawn, we needed that, thanks!”

“Nice one, Damian.”

“Forty-nine, amazing!”

 

“Heh… yeah…” Damian said awkwardly having been completely serious the whole time in both his guesses and still not knowing how old Batman really was.


End file.
